The Saddest Goodbye

Here is the puddle of tears you left when you told me you were unsure of our future.

Here are the sweet hellos you gave me early in the morning when we would talk on the phone in hushed whispers so that no one knew we were awake.

Here is the metaphor you gave me of the sky because you obviously did not love me more than the number of stars; I do not want to think of you when I glance into the beauty of the sparkling past every night outside my window.

Here are the carefully handled “I love you”s that I let curl around my heart and warm me on the coldest nights; I have no need for them now that I know the truth.

Here is the sound of my heart beating furiously against my chest every time you answered the phone.

Here are the nights we stayed up until five talking about the future; I will miss the ghosts of our unborn children, the rustle of the trees in the house we never inhabited, the warmth of your body holding mine.

Here are the dreams you shared with me in the depth of the nights you actually allowed yourself to imagine something better.

Here is the sweet sound of your name on my tongue, the gentle way my voice dropped when I would say hello, the candy of saying I love you over and over again.

Here are the unshared memories you abandoned when you decided to help rather than to feel.

Here are your promises of saving me from this sadness that I battle every single day.

Here is your heart that I have loved and held and guarded as if it were my very own. I hope you can open yourself up to love again. I hope she is a girl that will make you feel as if you are free, even though both of us know you will always be chained.

In return, I only ask for the fragments of my heart I handed you unwillingly, because we both know you stole it from me first. The tattered bag of dreams I left in your possession on a night when lightening lit up the sky. The tired aspirations of a girl too young to feel this incredibly old.

I want you to keep the hope I left on the doorstep of your heart, the fire of a love so passionate that it burned within both of us, the gentle comfort that friendship and companionship can offer.

I want you to hold it with you, stuff it in your backpack, store it in your glove compartment in your battered truck. And when you feel as if you are all alone, as if you cannot live another day or breathe another second, I want you to take all these possessions and remember that I loved you. I will always love you.

And finally, please take this goodbye. Have an incredible life.